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1.simon de Beauvoir
2.salvado dalì
3.lemmy Kilmister and Phil Anselmo (I know, I have a little 'cheated: P)
4.kat von d.
5.ellen Allien
6.gianni Rodari
7.panda ("a panda like")

unlikely that group! XD I do not know if you would come to the sweet! ahahahahhaha!
the only thing these characters have in common is that they make me feel calm. give me peace of mind.

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black swan

finally went to see the black swan. was a long time since I wanted to go.
but nobody seemed interested in everything. My boyfriend always told me you will come with you but then put off forever. In short, it was with us you will only make me feel good and just. so today I went and got in the only cinema in which they gave him yet. across town from my house. I went back and walk away. Afternoon with a nice myself.
a nice afternoon disturbing. beautiful ... but weird.
I felt a little 'alone. but also very independent. I do not know ... I'm trying Sixteen of mixed emotions at this time. I feel strange. hour run at CAS No there is the moto gp. I turn off my brain and my emotions on television and drowning in a giant pizza. ...
me feel weird. is that in less than a week I should be the cycle.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ITALY

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fucking weight that can not be lowered. Do not fall from there. And more than fasting, the more I try to control me, no longer goes down. And then it all seems useless, and so I already know that this summer I'll never be as perfect as I want. And that bathing suit is closed in the bottom drawer to make the mold, even this summer. Today my no, I'm home alone. No lunch. But above all no binges. I have to do it. But today I am really pissed off. Today I went to school, so I decided to weigh myself. And that fucking needle did not drop even one gram. Not one. I do not know how to do it, I'm sinking slowly. I do not know what to do to become perfect. I'm going crazy when they are away from home and I try not to eat, there's always promptly to force me to swallow food, when I'm at home even worse. I do not know how to lose weight. I need your help, please.

Michela.

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Confused ..

And I cry. And I'm confused. And I do not know what to think. And my life is going to pieces and I have not even noticed. And is complicated, difficult, painful is having to make a choice, have to go ahead anyway, right or wrong choice. What then, more of a choice. Many small choices affect my life, so many crossroads from which will depend on my future, my future, my everything. But there is really fate? Everything is already written? But if so, a choice not true I do, however, if it is already written in that book called destiny. Yet why do I feel so confused, so paranoid, so saddened knowing that then I will surely have a regret for having chosen one thing and not another. And then, because you can not make any choice? I think that's one thing, a thing called fucking life.

Michela.

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tonight

tonight are returned from university it was time for dinner now. N aCasa was with his cousin and his friend ... what I talked a bit 'of posts ago. which is "the shit" while you open a profile on netlog that keeps me hidden for obvious reasons and I discover by chance .. etc.
boh .. as I have said and repeated so that the N has its faults and the things he did and not his friend.
I know that makes no sense and I would never tell him to stop seeing a person. at the same time, however, I realize more and more that confidence begins to dwindle.
such as tonight he was with his friends I've been a bit 'with the ever coinqui and then to the pc with my friend and my former town that now is like a brother for me and I to him.
then I called N and wanted to come and sleep with me. in the end I said I was not in a good mood I preferred that we were to see tomorrow.
translation, or rather what I actually thought that he had spent the whole evening to talk about me with his friend. and to conclude that he should show me the fuck does he / she likes. Series "I do cocks with my friends and then go to his house and me do this, because I'm a cool"
imagining this whole scene I is not coming at all want to be with him.
probably are just things I thought I ... but I just know that until a few months ago I never thought a thing of the genre for him. now I know ... I doubt you .... then few minutes ago I see that I hamandato a romantic song in private messages ... I feel like a bitch and then to have thought those things ... but then .... it is he who brought me to this ... uff what a mess ... I do not know what to think. what a mess ...

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I'll make it ... I just want

I thank my beloved They that he wants me to come out, who wants all of us we would go out. But I want to stay here, close to Ana. Why do I feel, is here inside me, and tells me that I can become perfect, thin, beautiful. I just have to believe more and have more self-control. I see it, feel it, I love .

Here's how I want to be so.

And I'll make it. From tomorrow we start again with enough self-control and fall, enough to want to pretend to feel good. I'll be alright when dimagrirò .

Hugs to all,

I love you little stars.

Michela.

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=)(&/%&/

Good Sunday!
arrived here yesterday from clouds and rain.
my weight is stable at 46 kg ... I think that most miimpegno to lose weight remains the same ... more same as myself. in all directions. static ... also on a mental level.
I would lose weight. I sentirrmi lighter physically but also mentally.
I wish I could take all this weight also to my thoughts. to be able to concentrate better on the study, to suffer less, to be more serene. lighter. Anyway
today with the excuse of Sunday as a day of freedom from the account of the calories from our food and I thought it best to cook pasta. was a life that does not eat ...
I do not even know where I'm going. on the one hand I feel guilty, on the other I have that feeling when you can not do something where you're really working hard and then Just fuck it all.
mah ... I do not understand. are undecided whether to go to the cinema to see the black swan. I'd like it a lot because I'm afraid I remove him from the halls. but at the same time disturbs me a bit 'andaci alone. I have never been alone cinema.
and how are you? \u0026lt;3

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Ana.

deeper into the abyss. Sola, with myself. I want to stay here, safe, protected them from bad reviews and their comments, protected by my dark from my pain, my fasting from my suffering. I close here, and do not want to go out . Here is more beautiful, do not feel bad that all those comments. Here are just me and her . my soul. Ana.

Michela.

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Today it is difficult to write, come in here today was even more difficult. After a day of tears, pain, fake smiles in the morning, I attacked the food. Do not place the DA because I was vomiting at the thought, my stomach which usually begs for food, today pleaded that I stopped eating. I suck, yes it is. Tomorrow night plus Ema wants to bring me out to dinner. And I do that? I tell him I'm not well, that I'm not hungry? Understand that it is not really well. Or maybe not, I do not think he really understood the gravity of the situation. But that situation is it? I'm obsessed with calories, food, from the balance, weight, but do not think I really knew it. Much less aware of it himself, with whom I never speak of it. He only knows that fasting, when he insists on asking until they give in and tell him. Maybe it's just one thing in my head, maybe it's not really so. I do not know even what I'm writing, thinking, saying ....

A hug,

Michela.

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Hats & Awards

I begin this post with my thanks to Valentina and Cynthia for thought of me giving me this award, two on the same day! WOW! Go from their blog for a visit because they are really good. At this point I think my time with ten other blog to donate and to tell something about me. Forgive me if I do not now, I'll do it in the next few days.


meantime I show you my new fixation: hats

Snowdrop and Baroness Beret (both are on Raverly) with the same color because I did a test.

Baroness Beret

Snowdrop beret

In Photos I look ... but I ?!...

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Too far from perfect.

I do sucks. sucks. I'm fat and I will never achieve the perfection I want. Those dreams and loved 40 kg. So why continue to hope, fasting, counting calories, to massacre them in the gym? Why continue? What makes me continue to hope for? So I know, I'm a fat cow dimagrirò and not ever. E 'useless for me to keep writing the DA, to take a few calories, fasting. It 's all useless. I'm fat and will always remain so.

DA today: Breakfast

air

Snack: air

Lunch: Air

Snack: an apple (90 kcal)

Dinner: white pasta (about 400 kcal)

Tot: 490 kcal

Calories burned about 300-320 in the gym.

But I still wonder if this will help. And then I would love us , I would like to hear mine forever, and yet this body stops me, all this fat I say "hey want to make the mica run screaming as soon as you take off your clothes!" And I am already burned once when I did love with my ex and then dumped me for another. not want to burn myself again, I want to stay there not hurt you again, not want to relive those moments again.

Ah, a tip: the girl at the gym told me that I have to drink more, because I have swollen ankles, I actually drink very little. But if I start to drink plenty of water daily, make me lose weight?

A hug,

Michela.

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tired ... but I have my strength back. Day

I'm back after a hard day fullest! Five hours in school, then an hour and a half gym and then study study study all afternoon. Until dinner, ZERO calories. In the gym but I did nothing just about 250-270 calories burned. The problem is that I was tired, I spent sleepless night without their knowing why. I'm regaining my strength, my self, my yearning for thinness and do everything to achieve it. I would like to tell you a little story happened in the gym, but I avoid it because you are stupid just thinking about it again. It 's a stupid, but I will not take off my head. What boxes, hatred as well take me for some stupid!

Ah, I prefer not to put the photos again, I suck too!

DA today: Breakfast

air

Snack: air

Lunch: air

Snack: air

Dinner: vegetable soup (244 kcal)

Tot: 244 kcal

addition to the calories I burned 200 calories in the gym jumping rope!

A strong hug to all,

Michela.

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OK.

Today an hour and a half of gym. 380 kcal burned. And for now, ZERO ingested. I'll have dinner tonight, but I have already set out to eat little, and then to bed early tomorrow I'm still in the gym. Today I weighed after the gym and the weight is 60 kg . I know I should weigh myself in the morning, but I can not ever because the scale is in the room of my parents and so I can weigh myself after school. I hope the weight is actually the one, because it would mean that I've lost a kilo in spite of two to three days of suck. E 60 kg fans know that sucks, but come down slowly. Tomorrow maybe I put the pictures of the body of this fat disgusting, if I find the courage. I set a goal : by the end of the month I HAVE weighing 55 kg. According to you, I can do?

DA today: Breakfast

air

Snack: air

Lunch: air

Snack: (after gym) for a brick to Estathé Limore (90 kcal?)

Dinner: vegetable soup (244 kcal)

Tot: about 334 kcal

Today I am a bit 'better, considering the gym and everything else, I'm a bit' recovering from the stress accumulated in these days full of hate and resentment towards her.

A big hug,

Michela.

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SELF ..!

I want my willpower, the strength to fast, to see the weight down, to challenge the balance. I never want to escape, refuge in the room to cry, be afraid of that scale. I do not want to eat , I will no longer suppress the searing pain inside me. I want to be perfect, I want to be skinny, I want to be the person on the streets all turn to admire and say, "Damn, what a beautiful girl. Magra. Perfect." I want it all, and strength. I just need my self, I can do I . I know I can do. Today I avoid posting the DA, I'm ashamed too, but I promise, I swear to you that tomorrow things will get better. fasting tomorrow, tomorrow gym tomorrow, few calories and many consumers. Why do I do it, because all we can do it. Just really want. And I want, I want to be lean . Really.

Michela.

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Very difficult to say

Last night I went with N. in luxury club for cmplenno a girl. The place was really
squiallido ... is in a relatively peripheral area of \u200b\u200bthe city, but from outside looks like a nice club. Time we are giving past I always thought that there would never cmq entry. We say that is not my thing ... the local luxury mean. Cmq
I'm glad there was at least on this occasion because I was there and I can confirm that these places are not worth the price they charge you just to be there (instead squalid and small) with the "beautiful people" of middle-aged women dress in their twenties, older men who are still young and you put the gel on those two hairs that were in the head .... I was a bit 'in the beginning because imbrazzo before going out looking in the mirror I felt obese ... with N. I said "how beautiful you are" I felt almost like a mockery ....:( these days, apart from lunch today I made a mess, I'm not eating much and yet the weight does not come down .. . ... are swollen but I drink lots of water ... will I take the pill ..... but I remember that I had reached 43 kg qundo took it cmq ... so I'm not sure for what ... . the truth is that I eat too much ... ok, cmq aparte this in the end I'm having more or less under control with diarioalimentare .......
Anyway we drank and danced ... N. it was beautiful:) this morning are
comnciate lessons. I follow what I was really far from my house, N. was very nice to wake up with me and accompany me on a motorbike. then return I managed to walk almost an hour of walking, I think I did just fine!
this afternoon I'm going to do the course in the gym and burn at least 200kcal.
I decided that this year will not be the month of April "'madness' at parties etc but output will be the month of" turning point "where I will begin to lose kg and pass the exams! I hope ...

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soleee

Greze for the advice:) I'll try to pull it the midst of doing something more constructive than watching TV. Although I'm getting the suspicion that the report is a little 'fraying in genral. I do not know ... maybe it's always the question of trust ... that well ... prorpio not that they have not been against it but ...
this afternoon for example, saw his friend ... the one with which it "crap" is all that does not see it because he had this influence is very heavy and has remained at home for a couple of weeks, just in time because things between me and No I come a bit 'right.
course I know who are friends and I can not avoid it or not see it anymore. But I do not know how to deal with this thing. because now he is well on my cock. nn and I'm glad to see him nor No but here I can do little. I see even less.
last night before bed I did not panic and I started thinking about a whole series of things ... my childhood, things I thought I do not remember ... Sapet when a thought leads to another and you seem to drown in that whirlwind of images sounds smells, and even this seems difficult. or better. impossible. intractable. I woke up this morning
cynical. Falicia without a shred of him. I feel a bit 'down ... even though I know that if I pull up trouble for the little good that I already have. and I block more and more commitments with university ...
for the psychologist I'm thinking. are always a bit 'fought. sometimes take me to think that yes, it is the only solution. cmq sometimes think it would be useless. No change nothing if not my portafloglio.
one hand could do me just fine but I solopaura staring to think about things that really is better if I forget. if I leave them there, and closed end. so even if I pull out what would change?
that sucks, I hate to be sad, confused, cynical ... especially on sunny days like this. sembraprimavera. instead of flowering and I always shut me more in my cocoon.

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I hate you!

I hate you, hate you, hate you. I hate the fact that everything always revolves around you, you hate to be that beautiful, that perfect, one that can and should always have it all. I hate you steal anything, I only steal one of my current passions, make-up, and bring up something your all and do everything they can to help you cultivate this passion, and even if I have this passion to anyone cares nothing. I hate you could sleep all day without eating and to me that I am undertaking an obligation to do so. I hate that you're always the one that can stay out late, one that never does anything wrong, what if a fight with mom and dad, now we must make peace because they can not stay angry with their perfect little daughter. I hate that now that I started going to the gym constantly and always try to humiliate me, to tell me that is so useless, so I'm fat and not dimagrirò anyway. I hate the fact that you make me suffer, I cry, I pissed off and I eat. Because you know that if I am angry and sad, I eat to excess and I can not control myself. So do everything to destroy, kill, make me feel bad and eat. I hate you because you're beautiful sister, loved, desired, envied. I hate you because you're better than me , and I remember every fucking day. Even if I try to ignore you, you're always there, ready to hurt me.

Last night I had managed to control myself until after dinner, but before you go out with Ema, I ate 4 slices of bread and Nutella. I hate me, hate me, hate me!

DA today:

breakfast: an apple (90 kcal)

Snack: air

Lunch: rice (450 kcal)

Snack: air

Dinner provided air

Total: 540 kcal

Today I weigh myself but I'm too afraid of the scale and I have not done. Tomorrow begins a new week and I have to be able to recover my self-control and slam that bitch.

A hug,

Michela.

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disgusts me all this fat.

Today is flat. I am a bit 'nervous but I do not understand why, maybe because my body has yet to get used to my beloved fasts . Well, I do not care. I just want to lose weight and then I do not care if I get nervous. Today I thought of being able to fast, but I have to eat because it forces me and my mom did not believe the excuse that I'd eaten outside the home. Well I just hope not to exceed 500-600 kcal, because then I can not dispose of and I am wrong, then I cry and go on like this and Emanuele angry because I'm nervous and sad that we are the only night together.

DA today: Breakfast

air

Snack: an orange (40 kcal)

Lunch: a bit 'of kiwi-fruit salad and banana (120 kcal)

Snack: air

Dinner: 2 sofficini provided (about 250 kcal)

Tot: 410 kcal

Dispose: little, I had take the kids for a couple of hours, but I do not think I did dispose of a lot. After dinner, I should be able to dispose of at least about 120.

me the food sucks, it sucks my body, it sucks the grease that keeps my bones out, it sucks everything. And tomorrow I weigh myself, and I'm afraid of that balance, and I'm afraid of all this fat. I will finish suffocated from myself, if I eat a little '. I want to lose weight, do not ask for anything else.

A hug to all of them, your

Michela.

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While I wait to finish the washing machine (I should not use it I've got the two-hourly, but the wind blows ...) While on the stove cook cacciucco, tonight there is no sin, jobs ... While this ... I devote myself to cap snowdrop, the pattern is on Raverly. Of note, there is good scorer who does pandan (pendant) with my apron with a vintage flavor, given to her by . By the way, if I would read another. And then he tells the class ...

Happy weekend xoxo.

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I want to be LEAN TO DIE.

I'm caught in a bell'otto Tourist disciplines (business administration is practically applied to tourism), and yes, I'm happy, but frankly, the school now is not one of my main thoughts. I read a comment on a post the other day, when I said that I dream and I can not throw them to lose weight. Well, I have decided that those dreams, those ambitions, the desire to realize I can also throw away, because for me, the only thing that really matters is slim. I do not give a fuck if it's wrong, it is not a normal thing, if by doing so I will end up hating myself even more, I do not care, I want to be lean . Magra to die.

DA today:

Breakfast: half orange (20 kcal)

Snack: air

Lunch: small ravioli (I think 350 kcal)

Snack: air

Dinner: air

Total: 370 kcal

After lunch consumed about 250 kcal, and after dinner a few others, I went out and walked a bit 'and I did well the evidence for a "show" that I do to carnival!

Yes, I know girls, the DA is not really that great but at home with my mum always haunts me with food and always forces me to eat! But tomorrow I should be able to fast because they are gone all day and tell her that I eat outside the home. Whenever I always thank all of you who follow me and I was close!

Ah I need some advice on the laxative to lose weight, take it or not?

Michela.

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It starts with determination. - Fitness! -


Hello girls! Today I finally started going to the gym and I have not eaten! I also decided to post daily the DA, otherwise it ends up that I eat enormously and yet if I hold I checked everything is easier not overdriven. So

DA today

Breakfast: cappuccino without sugar (80 kcal)

Snack: air

Lunch: air

Snack: air

Dinner: 2 sofficini mozzarella and prosciutto (about 250 kcal)

Tot: 330 kcal

I did an hour and a half of gym and I have disposed of about 650 calories. I feel quite satisfied and I hope will give me the results! After dinner I did a little 'training and I have disposed of about 150 calories.

I love you guys,

Michela.

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Today is so cold and cloudy, which is not really want to leave the house. I'll try just
for walking and going to pay the bills!
are a few days ago that's just me and N.
I am also like a lot if we do nothing special.
I'm just afraid to get used to this lifestyle too homemade cmq also justified by the current situation atomosferica. I'm afraid N. find me boring.
I'd like to tell you if it's trying to bug out but the situations are "qualitatively" better.
may not be too good to pass along these where you have dinner together and then we nullify front of the TV. and then you go to sleep ... The
alre Pravato time I told him if we could avoid staring watching TV. but between a ball and the other at the end we stayed there. on sofa.
Even last night I tried to eat as the tv farglinotare our time. time when we could do a thousand things a lot more fun. time when we could talk ... cmq or stay together in a different way. best
This is not to say that we have to do something for strength when we are together. I'm just afraid that this standing in front of the TV to become a habit ... abruttirsi The psychologist
still have not called.

I think about it a bit '...
as always thank you for your thoughts! \u0026lt;3
'm going to study a bit '... Good Thursday!

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So, first I'll start tomorrow probably going to the gym, where do I get my mom! So I can also skip some lunch without her noticing! I've got to lose weight June 1! Although I have not decided that this summer I'll get in costume, I do too disgusting to undress in front of others. I have three months to lose weight! Mission impossible? Well, let's hope not! Also thank you and embrace the heart of all who support me and help me always, do not know how I'd do without you! I love you guys!

I want to be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be thin. I want to be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio magra.Voglio magra.Voglio be be be be magra.Voglio magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be thin . I want to be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be magra.Voglio be thin.

Michela.

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clouds ...:)

thank you very much for your comments! <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"> kcal per day. then if I can not so much the better! I opened another blog to avoid poison and bore you with my crazy food diary! I'd say it enough all the other nonsense that I write! : P
so we do not succeed completely and write something food here! ... oh well

enough about food!

now my roommate is back! :) I'm glad because I go there with the other roommate 's agreement but different ... there is much more about his ... and then I've known him loooong less time. and then it's a boy .... I'm more of ' agreement with females ... I do not know why ...

'm thinking of calling the number you gave me my friend. The number of a psychologist.
more food for my problems I would go to unlock this phobia / insecurity that makes me the university.
Ok, I was in school first in class but I have always been high in the medium. from elementary to high school. I made the classic . 80/100 I went out with that ok, is not the best but neither is it a 60 and a kick in the ass so to speak.
I say this to give an overview of my situation ... then at the University I complete mind lost. between that I decided to ' last faculty. between that for reasons of delirium in the house I arrabattata as I could between the various scholarships and jobs to leave, taking the opportunity to study from outside the home.
did not know is that I messed up ... a disaster ... sob.
are still some 'undecided whether to go because I would not get involved in those things which then become endless and costly accident. it's just that my fear ....

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I returned a few days.
It seemed to have been away for six months ... and instead it was only for 24 hours. Now I know
that I have no choice. The universities have to finish the point.
Well, at least I know what to do. I focus on these ores point and you're not? already ... as no ... Anyway
always the fault of the culinary temptations of N. never affected the diet low blows.
For example this morning I ate chocolate chip cookies that her grandmother did. I know that I am I should say no. But that bitch is so I could not resist ...
sob ... have been at least 300 kcal ... what a drag ... Why should I be??
I am going to give a little 'rule to my life ... I say that as a bit 'but then I never do.
I think this is the right time!
ps I'm also taking the pills draining ... natural pineapple stem tip ... we hope to work ...-.-'

pps: weight 46kg height 1.60 (unfortunately this does not change, are a bit 'Bassett: P) BMI: 17.89